Last night was a hard night. I know this stuff will come and go in waves. My job is to do what I can to keep on livin' life and take care of kids, friends, and family. I rely on God for the heavy lifting and He is making it possible for me to not only survive, but to thrive. What a blessing, what a blessing.
First thing yesterday morning, as I was watching a crop duster fly over, I nearly ran over a bull snake sunning on the driveway. So very glad I missed squashing it! Beautiful creature.
The profound numbness of the last week is beginning to lift. I think that numbness is a natural safety mechanism. I suspect I'll look back and marvel at the fact that I could function at all. Seen in that light, it's a little slice of wonder. There are so many hard things we ape-lizards can do when backed into a corner. Amazing.
This morning I wanted to take some ranch pictures and/or videos to share, but it completely slipped my mind. I did get a pic yesterday and one this morning that are worth sharing I think.
I hope I'm not bringing you kind readers down as I ventblog my way through this goofy and tangled path. A lot of it is sad and I know you super people are filled with empathy and love and concern for all of us. That's wonderful and I appreciate it more than I can say. It's one of the things that makes livin' so very, very grand. But the most important thing, I think, is that the sadness is only the tiniest part of this experience. There is so much joy and love wrapped up in this family that my heart and soul are exploding with the beauty of it all.
I am so very blessed. We are all so very blessed.
Be well and embrace the blessings of liberty.
You're approaching this whole thing in a very positive, forward-thinking way. It's one way, and a good way I think, to get through the hurt.
ReplyDeleteKeep on keeping on as we said back in the day.
Keep on keeping on aye!
DeleteIt's hard to be positive but it's a choice, and it's mine to make and my responsibility to make it. I really want to mope and feel sorry for myself but for some reason a little bit of that goes a long way. And it just doesn't feel right. And that's Allie continuing to touch my heart with her love.
Life goes on, plenty of blessings of liberty for everyone to enjoy, along with embracing the suck of bad stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou are probably already on top of everything, but just in case, life ain't simple any more in these days of laws, lawyers and idiot ape lizards. Foremost is the status of the adorable kids and their future, and who is responsible for them, or more importantly who has authority to look after their best interests. Some complicated family issues there, and a fiance might not place very high in the decision making pecking order. Someone will be in charge of all that, probably decided by applicable laws, not necessarily caring or common sense. The welfare of the kids has to be paramount. Good luck sorting all that out, making sure that all the players are on the field before decisions are made. May God bless whoever "wins" that contest.
There will be the other usual estate issues, but in this case probably not too complicated. No telling who should handle all that either.
But, hey, ranch life does not stop, just because everything else suddenly turned to poop. Cows need checking, fences need fixing, those thistles won't dig themselves up, Nona needs her ball game and Red desperately wants to herd something around. And, Shaun needs his hikes for physical fitness.
You can do it, and thus far you seem to be handling things amazingly well. It's okay to be hurt, doubting, sad, and nothing any of us can do will make everything better. Big Air Chief makes the plans, we just execute when ordered, as best we can.
You're a good man, and make good decisions, hard decisions, and move on. Prayers up for all concerned.
Every day looks a little less dark.
John Blackshoe
Thanks John. There are lots and lots of details and hoops to jump through. My focus is and must be on doing the best thing possible for the kids for the best reasons to the best of my ability. There's no room in there for "me" at all. If Shaun's interests get into the mix it'll be exactly the wrong thing.
DeleteRanch stuff continues of course an by virtue of knowledge and experience over time it's all doable with little trouble and with only a bit of time.
I do desperately need exercise though, and I plan to smash an hour with that tomorrow.
Every day is indeed less dark. God and Allie are shining lots of light.
Thanks again for the kind words and thoughts John. They mean so very much to us.
As usual, John B. writes my thoughts much better than I can, so ' what he wrote '.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post.
Paul L. Quandt
Thanks so much Paul! Your thoughts and words mean so much.
DeleteHang in there, my friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks drjim. We're hanging in there and as crazy as it might seem, we're thriving. God, Love, and Allie/Mommy.
DeleteThanks for the kind words and thoughts. They mean so very much to us.
cT sends...
ReplyDeleteafter THIS posting, i will click "send" for a coincidental email...(if i sent it to the right address???)...i wasn't too sure about posting some of my thoughts *here* (despite the added complexity of communicating via parallel channels?)
Got it cT. Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts. I'll reply to your email as well. Thanks again my friend.
DeleteAs a teenager, North Park, CO watched a hay bale coming up the belt with a rattlesnake riding it. Flicked it off the stack with a long hay hook. Leather gloves, leather bale apron, and leather work boots meant I wasn't too concerned. I did have a few words with the buck rake operator.
ReplyDeleteThose are very refreshing moments when you get up close and personal with a rattlesnake! Great memory. Thanks for sharing it!
DeleteI've got nothing to add, except you and yours are in our prayers. Hang in there, My Friend.
ReplyDeleteThat's way more than nothing juvat. Thanks so very much from all of us.
ReplyDelete