Sunday, August 16, 2020

The golden hours





So losing Al is incredibly hard, and that's obviously not a news flash.

You kind readers will note that I call Alexzandra by several different names. Al, Allie, and Alex among them. It's just the way it was; she had different names for for her many different states of being. I can't explain it better than that.

I'd like to write a bit about her, but it's going to be a process. Nothing about life really lends itself to chronological narrative, so I'm not gonna try.

Allie and I drifted into a predawn ritual where we would wake up a bit early and then lay in bed cuddling and talking. We called those moments stolen from the pending day our golden hours, and they were every bit of that. We often listened to the Dave Matthews Band and we loved to listen to and sing along with "Oh." Today that song has a different meaning, and neither of us ever saw or understood the real message of the song. What we heard is "you are here with me" and "makes it okay." We loved being here with each other, and that fact made everything okay. It was very sweet and wonderful.



I want to add this next thing too, and it dovetails with the song. Allie wrote me a letter on August third. There were some complex and worrisome and interesting things going on. At the moment they seemed very big indeed, but in reality they were nothing at all. I could spend a million years trying to explain the context, but you folks would never really get it all, so I'm not going to try. Don't be afraid to ask questions in comments; I'll try to explain as best I can. So here are images of the letter.



The memorial service was beautiful and brought me more peace than I could ever have hoped for. You can view the service here if you like.

Be well and embrace the blessings of liberty.





20 comments:

  1. Our hearts ache for the depth of your loss. May her memory bring you peace, salve, and all the things you require from moment to moment. May God fold you all into His arms, and provide such love and comfort as you need.

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    1. Thanks so much Rev. Paul. Your kind words, thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated by all of us. God is doing the heavy lifting for all of us and that is a fact.

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  2. I found out about your loss from Borepatch. My condolences.

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    1. Thanks so very much Grog. Your kind words mean the world to all of us.

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  3. Please accept my condolences and prayers. May she rest in peace and rise in glory, and God give you strength and solace.

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    1. Thank you LSP. Your kind words, thoughts, and prayers mean so very much to all of us.

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  4. Life has a certain inevitability about it, there are things you don't want to happen, yet they happen anyway. We want to stop the clock and just live in the moment, but we all know it doesn't work that way. There are those moments though, held deep inside you, that you can revisit and relive, if only at a distance.

    My heart aches for you and the kids.

    Take comfort where you can, I know you'll get through this. But it is so hard.

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    1. Thanks so much Chris. It is indeed hard but God makes it bearable and blesses us as we move forward.

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  5. Looked up a news report of her accident. My guess, she tried to swerve around an animal in the road. (You certainly don't need to respond).

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  6. My 1st post here as well from Borepatch. Nothing I know will remove the pain, but I pray that you find comfort. Life can be awfully cruel at times.

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    1. thanks for stopping by. Your prayers, thoughts and kind words mean so much to all of us.

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  7. My Condolences to you and all who knew her. May God comfort you all.

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing Linda. It means so much to all of us.

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  8. It is good to see you've something of a handle on this.
    I wish we could see all of God's plan, but likely it's better we don't.

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    1. The plan is well above my pay grade, but God's grace is certainly sustaining us. Thanks again my friend.

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    1. Tha so much STxAR. Your kind words, thoughts and prayers mean everything to us.

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  10. Found you from Borepatch. My heart grieves for you and those kids. I'll keep all of you in my prayers. May God's grace give you peace. When my brothers died (car crash) I was comforted by Isaiah 57:1-2. Hope it does the same for you.

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    1. Thank you so very much Eddo. Scripture is filled with comfort and comforts me greatly. It is the word of God and God continues to envelop me in His love. He walks with me every moment and comforts me, he also gives me the strength to love and care for family.

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